Day #-6 Radiation day 4

A LITTLE DISCLOSURE: We have to be very careful with visitors. Jim can get sick very easily. We normally don't allow any children but our own. We thought Jim needed a "pick me up" and John's triplets are NEVER sick and they were cleaned and dressed just prior to coming. I am being "The Gate Keeper" and any visitors need to clear it through me. I wanted to show the video though, because it was so nice to see him smile.

Came a little later today since I am spending the night. I guess Bren lasted the whole night here with his Dad and left this morning. Jim did well this morning but had a hard time with Radiation. He said he was standing there and got all hot. He said it felt like he could feel the radiation cooking him and then everything went black. No one stays in the room but the techs watch him from a camera, so they were able to get to him. They had him lay down for a while.

Jim decided today to try a little marijuana. Actually it is a pill called Marinal but it is a derivative of pot. He is not sure if it is doing anything or not. He is however flashing me the peace sign and singing sixties songs (I wish). Whatever works.

All the patients here are in negative pressure rooms. (keeps out germs, keeps germs in). You have to keep the door closed. All of a sudden while I am sitting here blogging the room has become like a sauna. So apparently there is a heating/air-conditioning problem. So, we can open the door but Jim has to put his mask on. If he goes out of the room he has to put all of his protection on. So, either way he is hot and that is not fun when you don't feel good.

In a little bit my Mom and Dad are bringing out Sarah and Nate. Spencer is going to come tomorrow. I am glad because they haven't seen him since Tuesday. I can tell they are both pretty worried and preoccupied with him. I think they will feel better once they see him and see that he is doing ok. After, they are going to go to dinner and then spend the night at my parents. I think that will be a nice diversion for them.

Jim and I are going to have a date night. I am going to climb in his bed (if he can tolerate it) and watch the "Time Travelers Wife." I doubt he will make it through the movie without falling asleep, but it will be nice for me. Maybe, we will even have a little ice cream.

Today, I AM THANKFUL for air-conditioning at the hospital (when it works).

Day # - 7 - Radiation Day 3

Today was Radiation day 3. Jim looked much better when I came in this morning. He said he slept and felt better also.

There was a little drama with a student nurse this morning and I had a melt down. A mistake was made. No one would have even known but because I'm a nurse I noticed it. I became upset and started crying. It even surprised me that I was crying over it. I try not to be dramatic. Jim was looking at me like "what's your problem." I guess it let me know that although I feel pretty together, my emotions are pretty close to the surface. All is fine though.

Jim went down to radiation. Today he nuked to the band "Rush." Yesterday it was "The Who. Although he loves Rush, he said it was too much today. He said he needs something a little mellower tomorrow. We are half way through radiation. By the 6th day I'm afraid it's going to be the "Sound of Music" or something like that.

After radiation, we came back to the room and Jim proceeded to puke his guts out. (I'm sure he will love me telling you that, but I don't think he reads my blog}. I am just shocked how fast it makes you sick. But, the good thing is, IV nausea drugs kick in really fast. The medicine knocks him out though, so I sit most of the day silent in the dark. But, he knows I'm here.

Brendan is going to spend the night tonight. We will see how long he lasts sitting silent in the dark. For those of you who know Bren, you know first of all he can't sit still and second he is not silent. What a good boy to want to be with his Dad.

Today, I AM THANKFUL for LDS Hospital staff who are kind, friendly and most of all, understanding.

Day # - 8 (Radiation Day 2)

This was Jim's second day of radiation. When I got here this morning he said that he woke in the night with nausea and a bright red face. He also told me that he gained 10 lbs overnight. A little fluid overload. They told us radiation was rough, but he tolerated Chemo so well before, we were hoping the nausea would not kick in so soon. I guess some people throw up while they are standing there getting the radiation because it affects them so fast. It is tolerable so far and there are good drugs available. He did great standing for the radiation. I hope tomorrow isn't much different.

Jim has 3 goals written on his white board.

1. Get up and walk in the hall everyday
2. Eat meals in Chair
3. Have a positive attitude.

So far, so good. Despite nausea, he walked in the hall after his shower and he also walked to the elevator before radiation. Hopefully, he can walk one more time today before bed. It is a huge effort because he has to put the gown, mask and gloves on to protect himself from infection. So, by the time he dresses up in his "costume", he is tired.

He says that his appetite is already gone, but he is still eating.

As far as attitude goes, Jim is not much of a complainer. Not so funny today, but still a good attitude. He is pretty tired. Just had a really good nap. I am going to try to get him to walk before I go home. He just said "No."

Today, Jim and I are THANKFUL FOR nausea medication.

Day - 9

Jim is now moved into his lovely high rise hospital room. The walls are a lovely shade of drab with a pumpkin orange wall behind his head. He does have a very nice view of the mountains. We hung pictures and sayings to make it feel a little more homey. Not such a bad decorating job for a hospital room.

They do a funny thing here with the days and count down until the day they give him the stem cells. So, today is -9. He will get radiation until day -4. Then days -3 and -2 are chemo days. -1 is a "day of rest" and then day 0 is his new b-day.

Jim had his first radiation treatment today. See above video. 1 down and five to go. Jim says it is a little hard to stand there in that contraption, but today he feels good so it was doable. He played his medal of honor music while he stood there. It reminds me a little of Disneyland because of the contraption, music and then they turn the lights off so all you see is the glowing breast plates. Sorry, didn't get that part on video. No one can be in the room while the radiation is going. They put the breast plates there to protect his lungs from the radiation. Jim says he feels like a Super Hero.

Tonight I am going home to be with the kids. Back tomorrow for another fun fulled day.

Today, JIM AND I ARE THANKFUL for glowing breast plates that protect his lungs.

Yea!

Today we are, I am sure you can't guess where. Yes, we are back at LDS Hospital. Today is the final preps for Jim's Hospitalization. He got another shot today and then we are waiting for him to get his Central Line placed. They do this in the OR with x-ray so they can see where to put it. It is a long line that goes directly to the heart. It can be left in a long time and has several ports, so they can run all of his meds through the line and also draw blood from it. For Jim it means he doesn't have to keep getting poked, which when you have Cancer, you get poked alot and your veins start to not like it very much. So, now we are just waiting for the procedure. They will take him back in an OR room, consciously sedate him, and place the line. Then we wait in a recovery room for a while and then go home. So, I get to sit here with my computer and blog.

Yesterday, was a good day. It was emotionally draining, but a good day. We didn't plan it this way, but it just so happened that Brendan spoke in church and Sarah and her friend sang. When it was all scheduled, we didn't know that it would be Jim's last church meeting for a while. Several family members read about Bren and Sarah on the blog so they came to hear. I teased Jim if he felt like it was "The Last Supper." It is hard to have so much attention drawn to us, but in the same breath it is very comforting to know that people love us and care about us. It was also nice for Jim to hear his son speak and daughter sing. After Dinner last night, Jim gave myself and the kids blessings. He had his last week. He also talked to the kids a little about what was to come.

You know it is interesting. No matter what challenges our family has faced, we have always been able to be positive through the experiences. It hasn't even been that hard to be positive most times. We just were. I have to say this time, we have had a hard time. Both Jim and I have felt pretty beaten down. We have had to dig deeper than we ever have. I have been getting worried because the hospitalization is coming right up and neither Jim or I have rallied so to speak. Even yesterday I didn't feel it. But today, I feel at peace and ready to start this battle. Jim even said he was going to try to find the "fun." He told me last night that "it's all going to be ok." I believe him. When he gets radiation he has to stand there the whole time. The staff told him they will let him pipe in whatever music he wants from his I-pod. He told me that tomorrow he thinks he is going to play the theme from "Medal of Honor" which is a battle game on X-box. I see his fight kicking back in. Spencer always says Jim is "an animal." I am starting to see the Animal again. I am so glad. He will need that animal.

My friend gave me and the kids a notebook last night. She said that in times of trial she finds it helpful to write down some things that you are thankful for. There is always something to be thankful for. So, I am going to write something everyday.

Today I AM THANKFUL that Jim has been able to fight this Cancer for five years. After a stage 4 diagnosis, ruptured spleen, 20 Chemo treatments, 2 relapses, 6 bone barrow biopsies (Ouch) and a failed autologous stem cell transplant, he is still here and willing to fight the fight. I am right here with him. There is no turning back now or giving up. We are here for the long haul.